My Blog Project... To Be?

It's a wonder I'm awake right now. I'm so tired, I can feel it in my knees. It's like a dizzying tiredness, brought on, not by the hustle and bustle of busy life, but from my own euphoric neglect. Yes, Janelle, you need sleep even during Christmas vacation.

That being said...

Wow! I haven't blogged in over 3 months! The last few months of school were hectic, to say the least, but I pulled through. And by no small measure. I'm sure all the angels of heaven were working overtime to get me through this semester with anything above a C.

So. I watched Julie & Julia last night, and it inspired me. I'm not expecting any sort of flurry of activity on this blog, or a movie to be made about me, or a book (though I wouldn't complain if any of those happen). I'd like to start a blog project, something to keep my days going, something to look forward to, something to keep my creative juices flowing. However I'm not sure what to do. Here's a couple things running through my head:

Book Reviews (kinda boring.. and I take forever to read books)
Take a picture, write about them..

I dunno... I'll think a something.

See you in three months! lol :)

The Genie They Call Jesus

Hello! (To myself I guess... since... no one read this.. haha)

Wow, almost a month since my last post. Guess that says something about the crazyness of my life.

I've been thinking a lot about God, and who He is, and what I am to Him, and just how well do we get along. We just had an amazing week of prayer, and while I'm sad it's over, it couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

You know how your going and going, oblivious to the changing of time, until suddenly your sitting around one day wondering... "what's the point?" This day to day grind can really get the best of you if you don't put things in perspective. And you know what can give you a really good perspective? Reality TV. Hear me out...

I've watched my fair share of the nonsense they broadcast on television, labeling it reality when it's anything but. In my viewing, I've realized that there is nothing attractive about a crazy, promiscuous, do whatever you want because who cares anyway, lifestyle. Everything is so twisted, and any conversation you have literally makes no sense without some spiritual or religious aspect in it. I was watching Keeping up with the Kardashians (Don't ask.), and one of the sisters had just spent the night with her little brother's best friend. When the other sister asked about it, and she lied, the sister said "Say Bible, say Bible.. say Bible!" I laughed out loud, because I was wondering, what in the world. Do you guys even own a Bible, or know what's in the Bible? I just thought that was interesting...

Then on the VMA's, after a particularly frightening performance (which included blood, screeching and hanging from a rope), Lady Gaga won an award for best ... breakthrough artist or something like that. At the end of her acceptance speech she said "This is for the gays, God and the fans." Wow.

I don't want to judge anyone. I'm not perfect, very far from it in fact. But doesn't it seem wrong to use God like that? To do what you want, live for your own gratification and pleasure, and when it's convenient you invoke God's name? Like He's some kind of genie or ... a well placed adjective? It's pretty sad.

Well, I'm off to class. :)

Fake People, Second Chances: My Earthly Legacy

Worst kind of person, hands down. Someone who smiles to your face, yet undermines you behind your back. I've never understood how someone can pretend to like you, and yet do all manner of evil when you're not looking. It's interesting, and it's mind boggling.

Anyway...

In recent news, Ted Kennedy died. Which is very sad, for a lot of people. He did a lot to try and change the face of politics, and I'm sure he'll be dearly missed by many within and outside of the political arena.

They are finally burying Michael Jackson today, on his 51st birthday. He's been dead for a little over 2 months now (still very shocking) and his death has officially been ruled a homicide.

Something else I heard about that was really sad was the death of DJ AM. Now, I actually know nothing about this guy except that he was in a near fatal plane crash last year. It was a wonder he survived, but he was thankful to get another chance at life. Then all of a sudden, he was found dead in his apartment today. Apparently, it was from a drug overdose. They found a bunch fo drugs (like heroin) in his apartment. Again, I know nothing about him, or about his professional career. But it was still really sad to me. Why? Because here is a guy who was given a second chance at life, a chance to right his wrongs and really reflect on the meaning of this life and why he's here. However, it seems he just went back to his old lifestyle, to what he knew best, and thought nothing of the glorious fact that he survived something so devastating.

You know how when people die, everyone really starts thinking about life and how short it is? Then, about a week later, it's not so traumatizing, and we can rest easier, because we are still alive? Something terrible happened to a family member of mine, and we all thought that he was going to pass away. It was a really hard, devastating time for all of us (for many different reasons), and it really got me thinking how crazy and unpredictable our time on this Earth can be.

But I've stopped thinking about it. I don't want to stop thinking about it! I always want to be concious of the fact that I am one step away from something terrible. Am I ready to die? Have I done everything I can do, not just for me, but for those around me? What will people say about me, or remember me as when I die? I don't want to just be that girl who barely made it, or that one kid in my drawing class, "Oh yeah, she was cool."

I guess that's something we all should think about . . .

God Is...

I'd like to be one of those people who has deep and insightful words as I head into my junior year of college, but truthfully... I got nothing. I wish it wasn't happening, and I wish I could go back, way back, to when I was in diapers, didn't know up from down, and smiled for the sake of smiling because I had nothing to worry about.

I worry about things. It's what I do, and 99% of the time, I really have nothing to worry about. So as you can imagine, I'm worried about my future. I wondering where I'm going, on wondering what God has planned for me to do, and I'm wondering how I got here so fast.

So here it is, school right around the corner (literally), and I'm standing here. I'm standing here at the precipice of decision making, right on the edge of sheer joy for making it this far, and yet biting my nails to the bone in question of my future.

There are very few things in life that you can be absolutely sure about. One thing I know for sure is that God doesn't forsake His children. Everyday, I wonder why God would love me. I'm not the model Christian, and I wonder if I'm witnessing to anyone through my actions, or if people just see me as "another person."

Speaking of which...

I was on vacation recently and my little brother (who isn't really my little brother but I consider him such and love him to death) told a friend of mine that she didn't look like a Christian. That she just looked like a "normal person." When I asked him what he meant, he said "You don't either Janelle, you just look like a normal person. Not a Christian." Now I wonder if he's on to something. Does a Christian have a generally different physical appearance, or do we just blend in with the rest of the world.

School starts soon, and I can't say I'm all that thrilled about it. But what I do know is that God has led in miraculous ways for me in the past 2 years. I cannot ignore how much he has changed me and showed me what it is He will have me do in the future. I realize that He is pointing me in the direction I should go, so what will make this year any different? It will be greater, of that I'm pretty sure.

Joy = Sabbath?

Today is Sabbath, and so naturally, I went to church. And it was the most boring church service I have ever been too. Granted I didn't arrive until ... 5 minutes or so before the sermon, but still. I won't say what church I went to, because who knows, someone there might have actually enjoyed it.

Is it required that church be dry and completely lacking any sort of excitement or joy? Are we supposed to be stoic and tragically unhappy? I mean, the sermon was about the joy of Sabbath, but with the way the speaker was presenting it, and the atmosphere of the place, you'd think he was giving a eulogy. It's like the word reverence is a synonym for "sucking the joy out of..."

I remember when I was little and right after Sabbath School, our teacher would lead us in a single file line to the sanctuary doors. She'd keep telling us to be reverent, aka shut up and sit down, and how much Jesus hates noise. We'd walk ever so stoically into the sanctuary, sometimes church had already started. Some adults would eye us, giving us visually warnings that if we made a peep, we'd be in big trouble.

I thought reverence meant respect. Doesn't mean that we should, for example, cast aside all of the distractions of our day to day, and put aside a special time and attitude for God? We shouldn't be texting, we shouldn't be having random side conversations. We should just have a general attitude and feeling of respect and humility for God. After all, we are in (or supposed to be in) his presence! But, is happiness or joy now a distraction? A sin of some sort? Did I not get the memo from the NAD?

Now I wonder why people wonder why young people are leaving the church. Church services like that drain out the joy of church, fellowship, and Sabbath, and just turn it into another thing we do during the week. I've been to many churches where you could just see, from the look on people's faces, how they interacted with each, how they treated the children, that they were truly happy it was the Sabbath. The pure... peace that radiated from them just brought a smile to your face! But I've only been to a very few churches like that... most of them are few and far between.

I'm not really sure what can be done to bring joy back into church, into our singing, into sermons. I guess all you can do is go with your own inner joy and inner peace, and bring your offering and praise to God, wherever you are.

Happy Sabbath!

Spiders and My Sabbath Bliss

Sabbath could not have come sooner. I am so tired. It's been an exhausting week, and I feel like my brain is being pulled in thousands of different directions. There is so much to think about, to consider, to remember... it's almost impossible to really wrap your head around it all.

And then the Sabbath comes... and your brain can breathe, even if it's just for a day.

On another note, I dealt with some spider issues I was having today in my room. I had to go all ninja for like 20 minutes killing 5 or 6 of the little pests, and it was like they were multiplying before my eyes! Then my sister came in my room and she happily pointed out that there were two mother of all spiders right outside my window. Now, what you have to understand is that my window hasn't been completely sealed in yet, so, there are cracks all over it. Pretty much a welcome mat for creepy crawlies. At any rate, I tried using this crappy bug spray I bought from Family Dollar (always a bad idea) and it definitely did nothing but give the bugs something to casually swim through. It literally did nothing to them. So I just had to start smashing.

Then, my creative juices gave me an idea! I took plastic bags (I'm not sure why I'm sharing this story, but eh...) tore them up, took a flathead screw driver and jammed the plastic bags in there. It's kind of like a temporary filler till my window gets officially fixed. And so far, I haven't seen any spiders. And that is the way I hope it stays.

So, as I sit here in my permanently (hopefully) bug free room, under the mellow comforting glow of my small, 9 dollar Wal-Mart lamp, my legs numb from being on the move all day, I praise God for His perfect timing. Just the other day, I was feeling quite chipper and awake, then suddenly, Friday comes and I can barely get out of bed. I do not take for granted the Sabbath rest God gives me, and I couldn't feel more blessed. :)

Marriage, Personality Tests and the ENTJ's

Why is everyone getting married/engaged?

At least 5 people come to mind at this moment who are getting married in the near future, or who have recently gotten engaged. It's exciting (for them anyways), but now it's got me thinking.

What's the hurry?

A lot of times, I will tell people "I'm never getting married." I'm not serious really, but, at the same time, the idea of marriage doesn't really appeal to me. I'm a very independent person, I enjoy having my freedom to go about my day without having to think about the fact that there is someone fretting about where I'm going. (I mean, I have that now, but they are my parents, lol). The only person I want to be accountable to is God and myself. And I don't feel like I can really ever have a 'relationship' unless the one I have now with God is completely strong. I'm working on it, but it's not quite as strong as I'd like it to be. But, to each his/her own. I commend the people who decide to get married during their college years. It takes a lot, I'm sure, and it's something I personally couldn't handle. Kudos to you, for you are a stronger person than I.

Moving along... I took a Myer-Briggs personality test the other day, and I chuckled a bit at the results. Apparently, I am an ENTJ, which makes up about 1% of the population. ENTJ stands for Extroversion, iNtuition, Thinking and Judging. Interesting combination, sounds like it could make for a scary person, haha.

I find personality tests pretty fascinating actually. Most of the time, you'll read your "profile" and think, no that's not me, but you'll come across something and think, wow... I really do that, or Oh man, am I really like that. I mean, it's almost impossible for those to be completely accurate, but a lot of times, they are pretty spot on.

So, what do personality tests and marriage have to do with each other?

Absolutely nothing.

Final Curtain for the King...

I didn't know him. I hardly listened to his music. His legacy in my mind is different than his legacy with my parents. And yet, I'm deeply saddened by the death of the "King of Pop."

It's not the kind of sadness I would be experiencing if someone I knew and loved had died. It's more of a shock, a big roaming question mark. I've always known and heard about Michael Jackson because he's just so huge the world could barely swallow him. But I wasn't alive during his prime, when he was so big people probably fainted at the mere sight of him. I was alive during the bad times, during allegations of sexual misconduct, and financial turmoil.

I guess what gets me the most is the fact that he just didn't seem happy. And how could he be? He's been in the spotlight for almost his entire life. Many people probably can't think of a time when there wasn't a Michael Jackson. But all that fame, all that fortune, it couldn't buy him one ounce of happiness. It's truly the saddest part of this whole thing.

I wonder if all those comedians who poke fun at him and make insinuations about him being a pedophile will end now? It just seems so wrong, especially now, to mock him. His whole image has been tainted for me, and a lot of people in my generation, but the least they could do, and probably will do, is show him some respect. The guy was a musical genius after all. And boy could he dance!

What I've learned from this is that I don't want to live to be known for nothing. I don't want to die and have people only remember that I lived a glamourous, showy life, or that I was there for entertainment. I want to die and have people know that I lived for something, that I gave something and that I made a difference. It's so easy to just go about your life like nothing and then suddenly, something like this happens, an international icon dies, and suddenly, everything comes back into perspective.

MJ, I didn't know you. I've never met you, and I can't say I'm your biggest fan. However, I hope you died with some peace in your heart and that you left this world knowing you were loved, at least by one Person.

:)

Ramble

Have you ever felt like the dumbest person in the world?

I felt like that today. Like I just couldn't do anything right, and everything that came out of my mouth was idiotic. Maybe it was the heat, or maybe I'm finally seeing the light... I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Sometimes, I'd like to really know what people think of me, but I actually think I'm afraid to know. What if, my whole life, people have been lying to me? Telling me they "think I'm cool" and "Oh, Janelle you're so funny" but the truth of the matter is, no one has ever really liked me at all? I mean, sometimes I look in the mirror and stand there and wonder why anyone would ever want to be friends or even associate with me.

Random thoughts. I'm not depressed or anything, I was just wondering about this. I mean, is there anyone who is truly, really honest with you about everything? I love it when people are honest with me, even if it hurts. I feel like I can improve if I know what's wrong with me. I know that sometimes, I'll say something and wish I could take it back right away. I try to make it better by saying something else, but that makes it worse. And sometimes, I don't feel like some people really know me. Or at least they aren't getting to know the person I want them to know.

Ah, life and all of it's... questions.

Jesus Brings the Rain

It is POURING rain outside. Now, I live in the basement, so right now it sounds like I'm moments away from a flood.

But besides that, I love the rain, more specifically, I love thunderstorms. They are so... loud. I feel like I'm wrapped up in a hug or a huge comforter during a storm. This may sound weird, but, whatever. Haha, it's me. Thunderstorms are so comforting to me, like a dark lullaby. They are the only acceptable form of darkness that nature brings to us. Nature has a lot of wrath, but thunderstorms are more like temper tantrums (compared to floods, hurricanes, forest fires, etc.,)

You know a good song to listen to during a thunderstorm? Well, there are a lot, but three come to mind right now: I Am God by Toby Mac and Kirk Franklin, Bring the Rain by MercyMe and Benjamin & Daisy by Alexandre Desplat (from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Soundtrack).

Putting aside the randomness of Toby Mac's statement in the beginning of the song ("Kirk's gonna get his white boy on..." Yeah, don't ask) this is a good song. It's kind of rockish, and goes good with the ruggedness and fierceness of a good thunderstorm.

Bring the Rain has a really good message. It's about how trials are what make us stronger, and that if that is the only way to get closer to God and become a better person, then "bring the rain." Good stuff. Take a Listen

The last one is an instrumental, but it's really good. It has a very haunting, yet... hopeful melody that kind of drops you down, and then brings you up. It kind of makes me envision a tiny miniature ballerina tip toeing across the keys really gracefully.

That is all for now, have a wonderful night!

A Conundrum

I've never heard much about torture until the past year. It isn't that I didn't know it existed, or that it happened. It's just that it was never really brought up. But for some reason, I've been hearing about it for a little while. Some people agree with it, obviously, and other's don't. Which is perfectly fair, we are all entitled to our own opinions. So, here's mine.

I believe torture is wrong. I guess I'll start there. I don't know the in's and out's of "military intelligence" and I don't know their reasoning and rational behind it, but from a "civilian's perspective" I don't see the purpose of it. How are you to know that the information you are trying to drag out of said prisoner is right? And how do you know that if by torturing and/or eventually killing someone will save thousands of lives in the future? It seems like a lot of speculation and he said/she said, especially if you are talking about causing someone, anyone no matter their status severe physical discomfort.

I mean, imagine if someone you loved hung with the wrong crowd. And maybe they made some mistakes, or had some knowledge of something they maybe shouldn't have known. Would you like someone to do that to your loved one? I've heard someone say "what if by torturing one person, we save thousands of lives." I say: impossible. Who are you to know that by your evil act, you are saving anyone? You don't. Only God know's the future. I don't believe the end's justify the means. We aren't gods who should try to control destiny, no matter how "good" our intentions. We need to leave that to the God.

I'm not guru on this topic, but this is my humble opinion. I would hate it if my mother or father or brother or sisters did something terribly wrong that could endanger someone. But at the end of the day, I don't want anyone hurting them. Maybe if those people who are doing the torturing would just imagine their own son or daughter or husband or wife in that chair, on the receiving end, they would think about things differently.

. . . Or maybe Jesus just needs to come and give us all the right answers? :)

Letterman Vs. Palin. Say What?

Ok, I have something to talk about now.

I'm not sure we all have heard, but most people are aware at least of the whole David Letter vs. Sarah Palin "fued." So much to be said about this, but I'll just stick to the basics.

First of all, I don't know why anyone, ever, in any form of the media, puts any stock in what these late night people say/do. They are there purely for entertainment. A lot of what they say (or should I say what their writers tell them to say) is inappropriate, and shouldn't ever be said. They still say it. And people still laugh... that doesn't at all excuse his joke, because any jab, whatsoever, about children and older men and sex is just wrong. (He tries to excuse it by saying he was talking about Bristol, her 18 yr old daughter, but to me, that doesn't make it any better) However, all this uproar from Palin isn't really necessary.

That being said, I think all comedians, everywhere, should just stop making jokes about Sarah Palin and any member of the Palin family. (That may cut about 50% of their actually funny material, but hey, there are other stupid people they can poke fun at, and if all else fails they can fall back on the most popular comedic cushion: Bush, ;) ) Everytime they, or anyone, say anything about her, it gives her a reason to resurface and once again reveal the magnificant stupidity is Palin. Yes, the joke(s) were not appropriate, and yes, David Letterman has said, I'm sure, a lot of somewhat inappropriate things. But people! We don't want to give Sarah Palin a platform, of any kind, ever. We want her to disappear into media oblivion, only to reappear if (God forbid) she decides to run in 2012 (not seeing it...)

This is all I have to say on the subject. :)

Battle of the Eyelids

Welcome to the Sabbath Day.

I am sitting in this desk chair, struggling against the battle of the eye lids. I think we are just about tied right now, but they are truly putting up a fight. To that, I must give them credit where credit is due.

At any rate... besides being supremely exhausted (which is my own fault. I knew I had to be up at 6, but I still chose to not go to bed till 1. For shame), I'm very excited! I've been searching high and low for a good internship for next summer. And look at what God did? He got me one for this summer with a brand-new magazine. It's an online version (for now), and it's just what I was looking for. I'm so excited to see what happens with it, because to me it seems like a very good idea! It launches in the fall, so look for it. (I'll tell you more as it progresses).

As the battle of the eye lid's rages on . . .

I will probably write something again when I have an epiphany or something. :)

God Has Not Abandoned You

Two days in a row! Yeah! Whose the boss! Haha.

Do you ever feel like God has abandoned you? I personally have never felt like that, but many many times, I feel like I have abandoned God. I do wonder why He brought me where I am, or what he expects me to do with my life, but I've never felt like I couldn't turn to Him. That may be because I have yet to experience anything Earth shatteringly traumatic, but then again, I feel that if I did, it would only make me turn to God more. I tend to do that when I'm having a mental break down. I search the Bible and God for comfort, and I usually find it.

I don't have much to add to that, so here are some song lyrics to lift you up, :)

Classic Jeremy Camp song, holds beautiful truth that we all need to continue to remember.

I Still Believe

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start

But it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

'Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
'Cause I still believe in Your truth
'Cause I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
For even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see You prepare

But it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

'Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
'Cause I still believe in Your truth
'Cause I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Well the only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers
Well in brokenness I can see that this is Your will for me
Well help me to know that You are near

'Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
'Cause I still believe in Your truth
'Cause I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I don't see, 'cause I still believe

'Cause I still believe
'Cause I still believe
I still believe, I still believe

Well I still believe
I still believe
I still believe

In This Day to Day

Someone asked me today what I wanted to be remembered as . . . (Ok that wasn't the exact question, but that was the main gist of it, and they weren't just asking me, but you get the point) . . .

Obviously, most people don't want to get recognized for anything negative (unless they are a crazy in the brain). Most people want to be remembered as givers, as comedians, and friends. A lot of people want to be remembered for what they've done, some for who they are. I said that I wanted to be remembered as someone who made people laugh and feel good, and someone who was a giver. But I wonder if I'm actually living that everyday? If we stopped and thought about our actions throughout our day, how we interact with those around us, would we be pleased? Would the last words that come out of our mouths define us? Or would they just be ... meaningless?

I don't mean we always have to talk philosophically and speak to impress, but, I think that we should be more conscientious about our daily legacy. I mean, it's good to consider the big picture, consider what our overall world impression will be, but I think our daily legacy is our ultimate legacy. When you walk away from someone, from a conversation or a situation, how does the other person feel?

I want my day to day legacy to be . . . amazing. I've never been that conscientious of it, but now I really wanna try to be. I want people to walk away from me feeling uplifted, not deflated. I want to put a smile on someone's face with my attitude, with my actions, with my overall attitude. I may not do that now, but maybe I should try.

So, what's your day to day legacy? Are you going to live the way you want to be remembered, or are you only living for the moment?

Just A Thought

I'm trying to blog everyday. Apparently it will help my future career. Here's hoping!

Anyway, I'm reading the book "The Purpose Driven Life." (I know, a little late since it's been a best seller for a third of an eternity) Someone told me that this book was only for people who were "like atheist or not christian or something. Not for someone who has been raised in the church." End quote. I was so... surprised when this person said that. But then again, I wasn't really surprised. Christians think that once they become Christian, or they have been raised Christian, they are and have the ultimate authority. I mean, sure, not all of us are like that, but many are, and it can be very irritating, and sad. We are always learning, always growing, always.

Well, like I said, I've been reading this book. And it's really good. It's simple, anyone who is reading it can understand what he is saying, where he is coming from. It really helps you to think practically, and he is always quoting the Bible, showing that what he is saying isn't just coming from him.

I thought I'd share that. I'm trying to blog everyday, I guess so I can just keep a mental record of my life and such (since I am quite sure that no one else reads this, haha). And by the way, I did take the picture above. I thought it was nice, ;)

May God be your strength!

How Deep the Father's Love for Us...

Have you ever really listened to the words of the song "How Deep the Father's Love For Us?" I listen to that song quite often, and today, for whatever reason, it really hit me. I mean, I don't completely get it, but I get it. You know?

None of us truly deserve the intensity of God's love. We may think that we do, by some brave action we've done, or by some good deed we've committed. But, in the larger scope of things, those are so very insignificant to the many many many things we do on a daily basis that do not represent Christ. And yet, even as we sin, even as we go about as if God doesn't exist, He loves us. The painstaking, never-give-up, tough love that we hardly ever acknowledge. It's mind blowing.

Even now, I keep trying to wrap my mind around it and I can't. How can God, who knows that he took the time to create us, mold us and shape us stand by and watch us disown him with our words, with our actions, and not just... strike us down? Is His heart that big? Is His love that strong? What kind of love is that? Can we even call that love? I mean, is there a bigger, stronger, louder, bolder word that can express that kind of love that humanity itself is incapable of? Such a word does not exist. Maybe Jesus will teach it to us in heaven.

I think that God gave us music. And not just any music, but specifically the music of some Christian artists (not all of them...). Sometimes, I'll read the Bible, and I'll be blessed, of course. But then I'll hear a song that talks about almost the same thing, and I'll just sit there in awe. I've got "How Deep The Father's Love For Us" in my head, on repeat right now. It's the version by Phillips, Craig and Dean. I believe this trio is truly ordained by God. The words of the songs that they sing are so powerful, you know? Anyway, here's the words to the song, and a link if you want to have a listen. :)

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom...

Listen Here.

I may never really get it. The vastness, the depth, of God's love, but I'd like to think that that's ok. I'd like to think that He'll just keep on loving me, even if I don't understand it. :)

Olive Garden Message...

God told me something this week at Olive Garden.

He told me that my priorities were completely out of wack and that I've been serving the wrong person. I've been serving myself, my school work, my need to be constantly entertained. I've been constantly discplining myself to exercise 5 days a week, but I only take out my Bible to read a few times a week. Why is that?

I've made a resolution that no matter what, I MUST read my Bible everyday. God is coming soon. He's so close to being here, and I have to keep asking myself if I'm ready. I want to say I am, but I want to be absolutely sure. I'm not even kidding though, whenever I decide to do this, everything comes up. I know what it is, I know that the devil does not want me to strengthen my relationship with God. I won't give up though. Jesus is worth the fight.

Hey, whenever you need a song to listen to that will inspire you to just turn to God, when your sad, or exhausted, or just feeling plain old weak, listen to these!

Hold Me Now by Kirk Franklin

Great Light of the World by Bebo Norman

Blessed by Rachel Lampa

Be Still And Know by Stephen Curtis Chapman

God Bless and may HE be your number one!

Word to the Exhausted..

Well, I guess now I can say that April is almost over (since it is..), however, I am in a much less nostalgic, "somewhere over the rainbow" sort of mood. If you're a college student and you're reading this, you can probably perfectly understand how I'm feeling. It's the week before finals, and instead of professors lightening the load, the increase it. Yes, they have things a little mentally backwards. At first I thought they desired to kill us mentally so we couldn't enjoy a good summer vacation, but now I've decided to see it in a different light.

I think that they want to try and help us. They want to boost our grades for our sake, and for theirs. Despite what most students think, professors aren't out to watch you fail. It reflects badly on their teaching if all the kids in the class fail. So, maybe, JUST maybe, they give us more work to give that F some of us are sure to get a little extra cushion. At least that's the mindset I hope my teachers are feeling.

Yup, it's warp up time. Students are walking around, eyes glazed over, praying for the end. It's crunch time. Time to take yourself off of cruise control and really beef up your grade as much as possibly for the impending blow.

Alright, maybe not all of us are expecting the worst. There are some who work their tails off all semester and know that they deserve the good grades they get. Kudos to them! Wish I were you! I'm just coasting by at this point, hanging on by a wing and a prayer. Mostly a prayer. My wings are broken and I'm mentally preparing for a crash landing.

Summer, here I come!

Move over Michael Angelo...

March is almost over.

Wasn't it literally just yesterday when we were saying goodbye to 2008 and all its victories and woes and saying Hello! to a new year? Now it's March. Near the end of March. In a few weeks, I'll be 20.

Time flies. Whether you're having fun, or paying close attention, time slips quietly under you and throws you backwards. I never thought I'd be in college. It was like a faraway dream, a fantasy world where I was an adult and I was making big time adult decisions. And now, here I am, paying taxes, shuffling classes, work, friends and family. My 2nd year of college is almost over, and I'm becoming annoyingly nostalgic, like a parent. My junior year of college looms ahead like an impending storm, waiting to swallow me in all that is my unexpected future.

It has come to my attention that I really don't know where I'm going in my life. I haven't done much of anything since I've been in college. I haven't. God, on the other hand, has been pretty busy. Everything I've done has been sort of... thrown into my lap, and I've just gone with it. And it's worked out pretty good so far.

So you know what you should do? Stop planning. It's completely pointless, because no matter how intricately you draw out your plans, they look like the handiwork of a five year old compared to God's masterpiece. So put down the pencil, step away from the ruler, and ease off the drawing table. Step aside. Yeah, that's right, get outta the way. The greatest architect of all is moving in, and He's got all the right tools, all the correct measurements, and He's about to build you a life that even the greatest engineer couldn't duplicate.

So, what are you waiting for? Hand over the blueprints. God's got an eraser, and He needs to make a few adjustments. ;)

Blogging and Love...

Today in Journalism class we talked about blogging. I didn't know blogging was that big a deal, seriously. People take it really seriously. Maybe I'll get a job from my amazing blogging skills, yeah, I'm talking to you. Thanks...

Haha.

Anyway, this is going to be a good week. You know how you just get those feelings when a day starts? Nothing happens, or nothing has happened, but somehow you just smile to yourself and think, "I'm really happy today. Today is going to be a good day." Well, I thought that about my week. Usually, when I have a really good Sunday and Monday, I know that I'm going to have a good week. And you know? I think it's my general attitude. I mean, when you think, gross, ah, today sucks, well, thats just how your going to think. But if you think, you know what, no matter what I'm going to have a good day? You have a good day! It works, seriously, it's amazing. Mind over matter. I think therefore I am.

My computer teacher is talking about the ebola virus, which apparently liquifies your insides and makes you bleed out from every crevice of your body, and its black blood with yellow dots. At least that's what I got from it. He's somehow relating this to computer viruses.

You know, the internet is a very strange and dangerous thing. But I think if you're just smart and listen to computer professionals, you'll be ok. Oh my goodness, the first computer virus was created for a Mac. I had no idea.

Oh, before I go, I have a new song that I... LOVE. It describes love in the best way I have ever, ever heard. And not the idea of love according to TV shows and society. Love that God wants. Please, Please listen to this song!

Words:

Love is not a place

To come and go as we pleae

It's a house we enter in,

and then commit,

to never leave.

So lock the door behind you,

throw away the key,

work it out together,

let it bring us,

to our knees.

Love is a shelter,

in a raging storm.

Love is peace,

in the middle of a war.

And if we try to leave,

may God send Angels to guard the door,

No love is not a fight,

but it's something worth fighting for.

To some love is a word,

that they can fall into,

but when they're falling out,

Keep their word is hard to do.

Love is a shelter,

in a raging storm.

Love is peace,

in the middle of a war.

And if we try to leave,

may God send Angels to guard the door,

No, love is not a fight,

but it's something worth fighting for.

Love will come to save us,

If we'll only call.

He will ask nothing from us,

but demand we give our all. . .

No, love is not a fight...

but it's something worth fighting for.

Music!

Our Light's Aint Shinin'

Christians, more specifically Adventists, have lost their purpose in this world. I'm not talking about everyone, but I am talking about A LOT of us. We have latched onto "the world's" mentality of having our cake, and eating it too. We want to do what Maria did in The Sound of Music and be one with the church, while we do whatever the heck we want. We want to have a personal relationship with God, while listening to what we want, going where we want, and watching what we want. Do we not realize that our goal, our purpose in this world isn't just having that close relationship with God?

My Journalism class was have a heated, LONG discussion today about movies, how they effect us, and Christians and what movies they watch. I quickly realized that the state of mind of many of the "christians" in our class was completely and utterly WRONG. A verse came to my head during that discussion. It comes from Matthew 5:15-17 and it says "...Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

I mean, that verse perfectly describes what Christians should be in this world. That light is us, it's who we should be. And that bowl is the movies we watch, the TV shows we expose ourselves to. When we watch movies like Saw, movies that glorify murder and violence, we are suffocating the light that God gave us! We are supposed to be shining examples of God's mercy, His love, His character. How can we be examples, how can people see the difference in us, if we are watching the same garbage they watch and enjoying it. One person gave the excuse that we watch that stuff to see where people we are trying to reach are coming from. Which is the most ridiculous thing I've heard of. We don't need to wallow in garbage to know it smells. Our lights should shine, people should look at us and say hey, that person is different, that person is a christian.

Christians don't want to give up what they have grown to love to do. We don't want to stop watching things that somehow appeal to our senses. If stuff that God is expressly against appeals to us, then we've got some digging and some praying to do. Someone said that the stuff they watch doesn't effect their relationship with Christ. But this can't be true! You can't do something that God says "I find this wrong, this is evil" and think that He's fine with you beholding that. That's like being in a relationship, and yet sleeping with other people. You have that person you connect with, and yet you are sharing pieces of you with all these other people. It's not possible to have a healthy relationship if you are doing that. But people have stopped thinking of Jesus as a real being, something that is really there, standing over your shoulder, seeing, knowing, caring. So to us a "good relationship with Him" is talking to Him before bed and when we wake up, skimming through the Bible. But this isn't how it should be.

I could go on forever on this. And trust me, I'm preaching to myself. I'm not the perfect Christian, but I try my best. It just made me incredibly sad to see the mindset that young Christians have allowed themselves to get into. It's mind boggling.

Chicken or the Egg?

I'm in computer class. 

In my journalism class today we were talking about movies. The whole "movie theaters are evil" argument came up, which  most of the class shot down immediately. Then just the general, what we should and shouldn't watch argument came up. Most of the class made pretty good, solid, christian points. And I agreed with most of them. I thought I'd just, share my opinion.

The media has a bad wrap. We blame it constantly for societies problems. But what came first? Who influenced who first? I believe that it started with the rebellious people who wanted to... challenge "the man." The people who wanted to be different and to be the spotlight of society. We went from being a very conservative nation when it came to media. But then everyone wanted to do their own thing, people want to break down berriers and not conform to molds. Sometimes it was good, but in the case of movies/television/media, it isn't so good. People like the gritty, dirty stuff that no one wants to mention, but everyone wants to watch. 

To be continued...

Forever I Will Run...

I have a new favorite song. It's called "I Will Run" by Freddy Rodriguez. It's so beautiful! I seriously, wow, love this song. I just heard it yesterday, and I've listened to it a quadrillion times. It's amazing. Forever I will run to God. . . :) 

Today is Valentine's Day. A day really only good for people who have a significant other. Completely pointless for us single's. I'm not lonely, I'm not sad, I don't mind it. And I'm not.. "looking" as some people put it. I'm... stagnate. I'm waiting for God, who is the ultimate matchmaker. What He says goes, you know? But, I would like to say Happy Valentine's Day to all the people out there who may be reading this (who I'm pretty sure is no one...lol) 

I love Sabbath. It's so refreshing. I love not worrying about anything, or doing anything. And it's not actually doing nothing. It's getting rid of all the junk you worry about and focusing on God. Not on the other stuff... :) 

The Curse of the Multitasker...

I am in computer class right now as my teacher tells the most pointless story ever. I mean, don't get me wrong, I appreciate his fascinating adventures from living in Africa and being a rebel. But what does a grenade, dead bodies, and trucks, have to do with Using system software?  Nothing. Seriously. Nothing. I guess he is just trying to somehow entertain us and show how cool he is, because there isn't anything that interesting about system software. 

I read an amazing feature story yesterday called "An Autumn of the Multitaskers" by Walter Kirn. It was really funny, and really engaging, and I have not enjoyed reading a non-fiction piece of writing in a long time. If you want to check it out, read here. I suggest you read it. Anyway, it really made me think about the fact that I don't use my brain to its full potential. Instead of focusing on one thing and really doing my best at it, I become  mediocre at many things. I think Hollywood is full of multitaskers, so they make it seem "cool." A lot of them do many  many things at one time, and never have any time to relax. They are always going. 

Have you ever had a "who had the least amount of sleep" contests with a friend? Someone says "Man I'm so tired. I got 2 hours of sleep last night. I have a 10 page paper to due, and a book to write, and a plane to fly..." and then you say "well, I got 10 minutes of sleep, I have 2 books to write, and a space shuttle to launch.." that sort of thing. People actually competing with who can throw their bodies into over exhaust mode the fastest! It's ridiculous.

This article made me want to take my life slower. Not be lazy, but to really focus on each task I'm doing one at a time. Being able to multitask is not a gift. It's a curse to your brain. It stops you from really full achieving what you could be doing. 

So read that article. It'll change your life. :) (ok maybe not change it. . . but it'll get you thinking.)

Love you...

Ever had a moment where you looked in the mirror and thought, "Who IS that?" Yeah. That's happened to me a few times in life. But I've never thought for a single second of physically altering the features that God gave me. 

I was watching Tyra today (I KNOW, I know.. I know.. don't ask) and she had an actually good episode. It was about these black women who are on the darker side, and bleach their skin daily to achieve a lighter complexion. I could go on forever about how ridiculous it is, and how stupid these women are, but I won't go there. But I DO want to say a few things. First all, Tyra said that "these women are victims of society." I get it. I GET it. But we can't keep blaming our actions and our lack of COMMON SENSE on society. We can allow society to influence us, or we can wise up and make our own decisions. I mean, in this society, there is enough access to education, books, and just people in general to learn how to make informed decisions. 

...

My brain just turned off. This thought will have to continue later. 

Not A Snowball's chance in what..?

I recant. I RECANT. This school does have a heart. There is love. There IS LOVE.

Yeah. That's right. We finally got our snow day. :)

Cold Hearts on a Cold Day..

It is freezing outside. And I'm not talking, "Oh man I gotta wear a blazer because it's nippy" freezing. I'm talking, if you let your face make direct contact with the snow and wind it'll freeze off freezing. According to the weather channel, its 2 degrees, but if feels like -5.

I woke up this morning with a prayer on my tongue, hoping that the Administration would show us a bit of kindness by shutting down. Just for a day. That's all I asked for. ONE DAY of not having to brave the frigid temperatures to go to class. But guess what? I called the weather hotline and I got the cold, calculating, heartless voice of some woman telling me there was no schedule change and to dress warmly and drive safetly. I'm not sure how many words there are for angry, so lets just say I was pretty ticked off.

I've only seen the top administration of this school when they come to BIG events in the Howard or church. When they come to grace us with their prescence and put together some well thought out words that are supposed to inspire us, but instead bore us to tears. I've never passed them on the sidewalk, or seen them in the cafe. I don't know where their offices are, nor do I care to know. The thing I know of them is that they charge me an arm and a leg to go to school here, and then some to participate in ANY and ALL activities. Well now I know something else. They don't give a crap about the welfare of their students. They worry more about the cost of shutting down for ONE day, then the danger their own employees and students have to go through to get to campus. Even for those who live ON campus its dangerous because the sidewalks are jagged, and not well shoveled at all.

So yeah, I'm mad. It makes no sense to me why they won't give us a snow day. It's almost in the negatives out there, its been snowing for days. But who cares, right? Because all they have to do is sit in the snuggly offices all day doing whatEVER they do whereEVER they are. We won't go bankrupt if we cancel for a day. Even though my righteous anger wont' change their minds, at least I got that off my chest.