Marriage, Personality Tests and the ENTJ's

Why is everyone getting married/engaged?

At least 5 people come to mind at this moment who are getting married in the near future, or who have recently gotten engaged. It's exciting (for them anyways), but now it's got me thinking.

What's the hurry?

A lot of times, I will tell people "I'm never getting married." I'm not serious really, but, at the same time, the idea of marriage doesn't really appeal to me. I'm a very independent person, I enjoy having my freedom to go about my day without having to think about the fact that there is someone fretting about where I'm going. (I mean, I have that now, but they are my parents, lol). The only person I want to be accountable to is God and myself. And I don't feel like I can really ever have a 'relationship' unless the one I have now with God is completely strong. I'm working on it, but it's not quite as strong as I'd like it to be. But, to each his/her own. I commend the people who decide to get married during their college years. It takes a lot, I'm sure, and it's something I personally couldn't handle. Kudos to you, for you are a stronger person than I.

Moving along... I took a Myer-Briggs personality test the other day, and I chuckled a bit at the results. Apparently, I am an ENTJ, which makes up about 1% of the population. ENTJ stands for Extroversion, iNtuition, Thinking and Judging. Interesting combination, sounds like it could make for a scary person, haha.

I find personality tests pretty fascinating actually. Most of the time, you'll read your "profile" and think, no that's not me, but you'll come across something and think, wow... I really do that, or Oh man, am I really like that. I mean, it's almost impossible for those to be completely accurate, but a lot of times, they are pretty spot on.

So, what do personality tests and marriage have to do with each other?

Absolutely nothing.

Final Curtain for the King...

I didn't know him. I hardly listened to his music. His legacy in my mind is different than his legacy with my parents. And yet, I'm deeply saddened by the death of the "King of Pop."

It's not the kind of sadness I would be experiencing if someone I knew and loved had died. It's more of a shock, a big roaming question mark. I've always known and heard about Michael Jackson because he's just so huge the world could barely swallow him. But I wasn't alive during his prime, when he was so big people probably fainted at the mere sight of him. I was alive during the bad times, during allegations of sexual misconduct, and financial turmoil.

I guess what gets me the most is the fact that he just didn't seem happy. And how could he be? He's been in the spotlight for almost his entire life. Many people probably can't think of a time when there wasn't a Michael Jackson. But all that fame, all that fortune, it couldn't buy him one ounce of happiness. It's truly the saddest part of this whole thing.

I wonder if all those comedians who poke fun at him and make insinuations about him being a pedophile will end now? It just seems so wrong, especially now, to mock him. His whole image has been tainted for me, and a lot of people in my generation, but the least they could do, and probably will do, is show him some respect. The guy was a musical genius after all. And boy could he dance!

What I've learned from this is that I don't want to live to be known for nothing. I don't want to die and have people only remember that I lived a glamourous, showy life, or that I was there for entertainment. I want to die and have people know that I lived for something, that I gave something and that I made a difference. It's so easy to just go about your life like nothing and then suddenly, something like this happens, an international icon dies, and suddenly, everything comes back into perspective.

MJ, I didn't know you. I've never met you, and I can't say I'm your biggest fan. However, I hope you died with some peace in your heart and that you left this world knowing you were loved, at least by one Person.

:)

Ramble

Have you ever felt like the dumbest person in the world?

I felt like that today. Like I just couldn't do anything right, and everything that came out of my mouth was idiotic. Maybe it was the heat, or maybe I'm finally seeing the light... I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Sometimes, I'd like to really know what people think of me, but I actually think I'm afraid to know. What if, my whole life, people have been lying to me? Telling me they "think I'm cool" and "Oh, Janelle you're so funny" but the truth of the matter is, no one has ever really liked me at all? I mean, sometimes I look in the mirror and stand there and wonder why anyone would ever want to be friends or even associate with me.

Random thoughts. I'm not depressed or anything, I was just wondering about this. I mean, is there anyone who is truly, really honest with you about everything? I love it when people are honest with me, even if it hurts. I feel like I can improve if I know what's wrong with me. I know that sometimes, I'll say something and wish I could take it back right away. I try to make it better by saying something else, but that makes it worse. And sometimes, I don't feel like some people really know me. Or at least they aren't getting to know the person I want them to know.

Ah, life and all of it's... questions.

Jesus Brings the Rain

It is POURING rain outside. Now, I live in the basement, so right now it sounds like I'm moments away from a flood.

But besides that, I love the rain, more specifically, I love thunderstorms. They are so... loud. I feel like I'm wrapped up in a hug or a huge comforter during a storm. This may sound weird, but, whatever. Haha, it's me. Thunderstorms are so comforting to me, like a dark lullaby. They are the only acceptable form of darkness that nature brings to us. Nature has a lot of wrath, but thunderstorms are more like temper tantrums (compared to floods, hurricanes, forest fires, etc.,)

You know a good song to listen to during a thunderstorm? Well, there are a lot, but three come to mind right now: I Am God by Toby Mac and Kirk Franklin, Bring the Rain by MercyMe and Benjamin & Daisy by Alexandre Desplat (from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Soundtrack).

Putting aside the randomness of Toby Mac's statement in the beginning of the song ("Kirk's gonna get his white boy on..." Yeah, don't ask) this is a good song. It's kind of rockish, and goes good with the ruggedness and fierceness of a good thunderstorm.

Bring the Rain has a really good message. It's about how trials are what make us stronger, and that if that is the only way to get closer to God and become a better person, then "bring the rain." Good stuff. Take a Listen

The last one is an instrumental, but it's really good. It has a very haunting, yet... hopeful melody that kind of drops you down, and then brings you up. It kind of makes me envision a tiny miniature ballerina tip toeing across the keys really gracefully.

That is all for now, have a wonderful night!

A Conundrum

I've never heard much about torture until the past year. It isn't that I didn't know it existed, or that it happened. It's just that it was never really brought up. But for some reason, I've been hearing about it for a little while. Some people agree with it, obviously, and other's don't. Which is perfectly fair, we are all entitled to our own opinions. So, here's mine.

I believe torture is wrong. I guess I'll start there. I don't know the in's and out's of "military intelligence" and I don't know their reasoning and rational behind it, but from a "civilian's perspective" I don't see the purpose of it. How are you to know that the information you are trying to drag out of said prisoner is right? And how do you know that if by torturing and/or eventually killing someone will save thousands of lives in the future? It seems like a lot of speculation and he said/she said, especially if you are talking about causing someone, anyone no matter their status severe physical discomfort.

I mean, imagine if someone you loved hung with the wrong crowd. And maybe they made some mistakes, or had some knowledge of something they maybe shouldn't have known. Would you like someone to do that to your loved one? I've heard someone say "what if by torturing one person, we save thousands of lives." I say: impossible. Who are you to know that by your evil act, you are saving anyone? You don't. Only God know's the future. I don't believe the end's justify the means. We aren't gods who should try to control destiny, no matter how "good" our intentions. We need to leave that to the God.

I'm not guru on this topic, but this is my humble opinion. I would hate it if my mother or father or brother or sisters did something terribly wrong that could endanger someone. But at the end of the day, I don't want anyone hurting them. Maybe if those people who are doing the torturing would just imagine their own son or daughter or husband or wife in that chair, on the receiving end, they would think about things differently.

. . . Or maybe Jesus just needs to come and give us all the right answers? :)

Letterman Vs. Palin. Say What?

Ok, I have something to talk about now.

I'm not sure we all have heard, but most people are aware at least of the whole David Letter vs. Sarah Palin "fued." So much to be said about this, but I'll just stick to the basics.

First of all, I don't know why anyone, ever, in any form of the media, puts any stock in what these late night people say/do. They are there purely for entertainment. A lot of what they say (or should I say what their writers tell them to say) is inappropriate, and shouldn't ever be said. They still say it. And people still laugh... that doesn't at all excuse his joke, because any jab, whatsoever, about children and older men and sex is just wrong. (He tries to excuse it by saying he was talking about Bristol, her 18 yr old daughter, but to me, that doesn't make it any better) However, all this uproar from Palin isn't really necessary.

That being said, I think all comedians, everywhere, should just stop making jokes about Sarah Palin and any member of the Palin family. (That may cut about 50% of their actually funny material, but hey, there are other stupid people they can poke fun at, and if all else fails they can fall back on the most popular comedic cushion: Bush, ;) ) Everytime they, or anyone, say anything about her, it gives her a reason to resurface and once again reveal the magnificant stupidity is Palin. Yes, the joke(s) were not appropriate, and yes, David Letterman has said, I'm sure, a lot of somewhat inappropriate things. But people! We don't want to give Sarah Palin a platform, of any kind, ever. We want her to disappear into media oblivion, only to reappear if (God forbid) she decides to run in 2012 (not seeing it...)

This is all I have to say on the subject. :)

Battle of the Eyelids

Welcome to the Sabbath Day.

I am sitting in this desk chair, struggling against the battle of the eye lids. I think we are just about tied right now, but they are truly putting up a fight. To that, I must give them credit where credit is due.

At any rate... besides being supremely exhausted (which is my own fault. I knew I had to be up at 6, but I still chose to not go to bed till 1. For shame), I'm very excited! I've been searching high and low for a good internship for next summer. And look at what God did? He got me one for this summer with a brand-new magazine. It's an online version (for now), and it's just what I was looking for. I'm so excited to see what happens with it, because to me it seems like a very good idea! It launches in the fall, so look for it. (I'll tell you more as it progresses).

As the battle of the eye lid's rages on . . .

I will probably write something again when I have an epiphany or something. :)

God Has Not Abandoned You

Two days in a row! Yeah! Whose the boss! Haha.

Do you ever feel like God has abandoned you? I personally have never felt like that, but many many times, I feel like I have abandoned God. I do wonder why He brought me where I am, or what he expects me to do with my life, but I've never felt like I couldn't turn to Him. That may be because I have yet to experience anything Earth shatteringly traumatic, but then again, I feel that if I did, it would only make me turn to God more. I tend to do that when I'm having a mental break down. I search the Bible and God for comfort, and I usually find it.

I don't have much to add to that, so here are some song lyrics to lift you up, :)

Classic Jeremy Camp song, holds beautiful truth that we all need to continue to remember.

I Still Believe

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start

But it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

'Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
'Cause I still believe in Your truth
'Cause I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
For even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see You prepare

But it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

'Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
'Cause I still believe in Your truth
'Cause I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Well the only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers
Well in brokenness I can see that this is Your will for me
Well help me to know that You are near

'Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
'Cause I still believe in Your truth
'Cause I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I don't see, 'cause I still believe

'Cause I still believe
'Cause I still believe
I still believe, I still believe

Well I still believe
I still believe
I still believe

In This Day to Day

Someone asked me today what I wanted to be remembered as . . . (Ok that wasn't the exact question, but that was the main gist of it, and they weren't just asking me, but you get the point) . . .

Obviously, most people don't want to get recognized for anything negative (unless they are a crazy in the brain). Most people want to be remembered as givers, as comedians, and friends. A lot of people want to be remembered for what they've done, some for who they are. I said that I wanted to be remembered as someone who made people laugh and feel good, and someone who was a giver. But I wonder if I'm actually living that everyday? If we stopped and thought about our actions throughout our day, how we interact with those around us, would we be pleased? Would the last words that come out of our mouths define us? Or would they just be ... meaningless?

I don't mean we always have to talk philosophically and speak to impress, but, I think that we should be more conscientious about our daily legacy. I mean, it's good to consider the big picture, consider what our overall world impression will be, but I think our daily legacy is our ultimate legacy. When you walk away from someone, from a conversation or a situation, how does the other person feel?

I want my day to day legacy to be . . . amazing. I've never been that conscientious of it, but now I really wanna try to be. I want people to walk away from me feeling uplifted, not deflated. I want to put a smile on someone's face with my attitude, with my actions, with my overall attitude. I may not do that now, but maybe I should try.

So, what's your day to day legacy? Are you going to live the way you want to be remembered, or are you only living for the moment?

Just A Thought

I'm trying to blog everyday. Apparently it will help my future career. Here's hoping!

Anyway, I'm reading the book "The Purpose Driven Life." (I know, a little late since it's been a best seller for a third of an eternity) Someone told me that this book was only for people who were "like atheist or not christian or something. Not for someone who has been raised in the church." End quote. I was so... surprised when this person said that. But then again, I wasn't really surprised. Christians think that once they become Christian, or they have been raised Christian, they are and have the ultimate authority. I mean, sure, not all of us are like that, but many are, and it can be very irritating, and sad. We are always learning, always growing, always.

Well, like I said, I've been reading this book. And it's really good. It's simple, anyone who is reading it can understand what he is saying, where he is coming from. It really helps you to think practically, and he is always quoting the Bible, showing that what he is saying isn't just coming from him.

I thought I'd share that. I'm trying to blog everyday, I guess so I can just keep a mental record of my life and such (since I am quite sure that no one else reads this, haha). And by the way, I did take the picture above. I thought it was nice, ;)

May God be your strength!