Fake People, Second Chances: My Earthly Legacy

Worst kind of person, hands down. Someone who smiles to your face, yet undermines you behind your back. I've never understood how someone can pretend to like you, and yet do all manner of evil when you're not looking. It's interesting, and it's mind boggling.

Anyway...

In recent news, Ted Kennedy died. Which is very sad, for a lot of people. He did a lot to try and change the face of politics, and I'm sure he'll be dearly missed by many within and outside of the political arena.

They are finally burying Michael Jackson today, on his 51st birthday. He's been dead for a little over 2 months now (still very shocking) and his death has officially been ruled a homicide.

Something else I heard about that was really sad was the death of DJ AM. Now, I actually know nothing about this guy except that he was in a near fatal plane crash last year. It was a wonder he survived, but he was thankful to get another chance at life. Then all of a sudden, he was found dead in his apartment today. Apparently, it was from a drug overdose. They found a bunch fo drugs (like heroin) in his apartment. Again, I know nothing about him, or about his professional career. But it was still really sad to me. Why? Because here is a guy who was given a second chance at life, a chance to right his wrongs and really reflect on the meaning of this life and why he's here. However, it seems he just went back to his old lifestyle, to what he knew best, and thought nothing of the glorious fact that he survived something so devastating.

You know how when people die, everyone really starts thinking about life and how short it is? Then, about a week later, it's not so traumatizing, and we can rest easier, because we are still alive? Something terrible happened to a family member of mine, and we all thought that he was going to pass away. It was a really hard, devastating time for all of us (for many different reasons), and it really got me thinking how crazy and unpredictable our time on this Earth can be.

But I've stopped thinking about it. I don't want to stop thinking about it! I always want to be concious of the fact that I am one step away from something terrible. Am I ready to die? Have I done everything I can do, not just for me, but for those around me? What will people say about me, or remember me as when I die? I don't want to just be that girl who barely made it, or that one kid in my drawing class, "Oh yeah, she was cool."

I guess that's something we all should think about . . .

God Is...

I'd like to be one of those people who has deep and insightful words as I head into my junior year of college, but truthfully... I got nothing. I wish it wasn't happening, and I wish I could go back, way back, to when I was in diapers, didn't know up from down, and smiled for the sake of smiling because I had nothing to worry about.

I worry about things. It's what I do, and 99% of the time, I really have nothing to worry about. So as you can imagine, I'm worried about my future. I wondering where I'm going, on wondering what God has planned for me to do, and I'm wondering how I got here so fast.

So here it is, school right around the corner (literally), and I'm standing here. I'm standing here at the precipice of decision making, right on the edge of sheer joy for making it this far, and yet biting my nails to the bone in question of my future.

There are very few things in life that you can be absolutely sure about. One thing I know for sure is that God doesn't forsake His children. Everyday, I wonder why God would love me. I'm not the model Christian, and I wonder if I'm witnessing to anyone through my actions, or if people just see me as "another person."

Speaking of which...

I was on vacation recently and my little brother (who isn't really my little brother but I consider him such and love him to death) told a friend of mine that she didn't look like a Christian. That she just looked like a "normal person." When I asked him what he meant, he said "You don't either Janelle, you just look like a normal person. Not a Christian." Now I wonder if he's on to something. Does a Christian have a generally different physical appearance, or do we just blend in with the rest of the world.

School starts soon, and I can't say I'm all that thrilled about it. But what I do know is that God has led in miraculous ways for me in the past 2 years. I cannot ignore how much he has changed me and showed me what it is He will have me do in the future. I realize that He is pointing me in the direction I should go, so what will make this year any different? It will be greater, of that I'm pretty sure.