My Blog Project... To Be?

It's a wonder I'm awake right now. I'm so tired, I can feel it in my knees. It's like a dizzying tiredness, brought on, not by the hustle and bustle of busy life, but from my own euphoric neglect. Yes, Janelle, you need sleep even during Christmas vacation.

That being said...

Wow! I haven't blogged in over 3 months! The last few months of school were hectic, to say the least, but I pulled through. And by no small measure. I'm sure all the angels of heaven were working overtime to get me through this semester with anything above a C.

So. I watched Julie & Julia last night, and it inspired me. I'm not expecting any sort of flurry of activity on this blog, or a movie to be made about me, or a book (though I wouldn't complain if any of those happen). I'd like to start a blog project, something to keep my days going, something to look forward to, something to keep my creative juices flowing. However I'm not sure what to do. Here's a couple things running through my head:

Book Reviews (kinda boring.. and I take forever to read books)
Take a picture, write about them..

I dunno... I'll think a something.

See you in three months! lol :)

The Genie They Call Jesus

Hello! (To myself I guess... since... no one read this.. haha)

Wow, almost a month since my last post. Guess that says something about the crazyness of my life.

I've been thinking a lot about God, and who He is, and what I am to Him, and just how well do we get along. We just had an amazing week of prayer, and while I'm sad it's over, it couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

You know how your going and going, oblivious to the changing of time, until suddenly your sitting around one day wondering... "what's the point?" This day to day grind can really get the best of you if you don't put things in perspective. And you know what can give you a really good perspective? Reality TV. Hear me out...

I've watched my fair share of the nonsense they broadcast on television, labeling it reality when it's anything but. In my viewing, I've realized that there is nothing attractive about a crazy, promiscuous, do whatever you want because who cares anyway, lifestyle. Everything is so twisted, and any conversation you have literally makes no sense without some spiritual or religious aspect in it. I was watching Keeping up with the Kardashians (Don't ask.), and one of the sisters had just spent the night with her little brother's best friend. When the other sister asked about it, and she lied, the sister said "Say Bible, say Bible.. say Bible!" I laughed out loud, because I was wondering, what in the world. Do you guys even own a Bible, or know what's in the Bible? I just thought that was interesting...

Then on the VMA's, after a particularly frightening performance (which included blood, screeching and hanging from a rope), Lady Gaga won an award for best ... breakthrough artist or something like that. At the end of her acceptance speech she said "This is for the gays, God and the fans." Wow.

I don't want to judge anyone. I'm not perfect, very far from it in fact. But doesn't it seem wrong to use God like that? To do what you want, live for your own gratification and pleasure, and when it's convenient you invoke God's name? Like He's some kind of genie or ... a well placed adjective? It's pretty sad.

Well, I'm off to class. :)

Fake People, Second Chances: My Earthly Legacy

Worst kind of person, hands down. Someone who smiles to your face, yet undermines you behind your back. I've never understood how someone can pretend to like you, and yet do all manner of evil when you're not looking. It's interesting, and it's mind boggling.

Anyway...

In recent news, Ted Kennedy died. Which is very sad, for a lot of people. He did a lot to try and change the face of politics, and I'm sure he'll be dearly missed by many within and outside of the political arena.

They are finally burying Michael Jackson today, on his 51st birthday. He's been dead for a little over 2 months now (still very shocking) and his death has officially been ruled a homicide.

Something else I heard about that was really sad was the death of DJ AM. Now, I actually know nothing about this guy except that he was in a near fatal plane crash last year. It was a wonder he survived, but he was thankful to get another chance at life. Then all of a sudden, he was found dead in his apartment today. Apparently, it was from a drug overdose. They found a bunch fo drugs (like heroin) in his apartment. Again, I know nothing about him, or about his professional career. But it was still really sad to me. Why? Because here is a guy who was given a second chance at life, a chance to right his wrongs and really reflect on the meaning of this life and why he's here. However, it seems he just went back to his old lifestyle, to what he knew best, and thought nothing of the glorious fact that he survived something so devastating.

You know how when people die, everyone really starts thinking about life and how short it is? Then, about a week later, it's not so traumatizing, and we can rest easier, because we are still alive? Something terrible happened to a family member of mine, and we all thought that he was going to pass away. It was a really hard, devastating time for all of us (for many different reasons), and it really got me thinking how crazy and unpredictable our time on this Earth can be.

But I've stopped thinking about it. I don't want to stop thinking about it! I always want to be concious of the fact that I am one step away from something terrible. Am I ready to die? Have I done everything I can do, not just for me, but for those around me? What will people say about me, or remember me as when I die? I don't want to just be that girl who barely made it, or that one kid in my drawing class, "Oh yeah, she was cool."

I guess that's something we all should think about . . .

God Is...

I'd like to be one of those people who has deep and insightful words as I head into my junior year of college, but truthfully... I got nothing. I wish it wasn't happening, and I wish I could go back, way back, to when I was in diapers, didn't know up from down, and smiled for the sake of smiling because I had nothing to worry about.

I worry about things. It's what I do, and 99% of the time, I really have nothing to worry about. So as you can imagine, I'm worried about my future. I wondering where I'm going, on wondering what God has planned for me to do, and I'm wondering how I got here so fast.

So here it is, school right around the corner (literally), and I'm standing here. I'm standing here at the precipice of decision making, right on the edge of sheer joy for making it this far, and yet biting my nails to the bone in question of my future.

There are very few things in life that you can be absolutely sure about. One thing I know for sure is that God doesn't forsake His children. Everyday, I wonder why God would love me. I'm not the model Christian, and I wonder if I'm witnessing to anyone through my actions, or if people just see me as "another person."

Speaking of which...

I was on vacation recently and my little brother (who isn't really my little brother but I consider him such and love him to death) told a friend of mine that she didn't look like a Christian. That she just looked like a "normal person." When I asked him what he meant, he said "You don't either Janelle, you just look like a normal person. Not a Christian." Now I wonder if he's on to something. Does a Christian have a generally different physical appearance, or do we just blend in with the rest of the world.

School starts soon, and I can't say I'm all that thrilled about it. But what I do know is that God has led in miraculous ways for me in the past 2 years. I cannot ignore how much he has changed me and showed me what it is He will have me do in the future. I realize that He is pointing me in the direction I should go, so what will make this year any different? It will be greater, of that I'm pretty sure.

Joy = Sabbath?

Today is Sabbath, and so naturally, I went to church. And it was the most boring church service I have ever been too. Granted I didn't arrive until ... 5 minutes or so before the sermon, but still. I won't say what church I went to, because who knows, someone there might have actually enjoyed it.

Is it required that church be dry and completely lacking any sort of excitement or joy? Are we supposed to be stoic and tragically unhappy? I mean, the sermon was about the joy of Sabbath, but with the way the speaker was presenting it, and the atmosphere of the place, you'd think he was giving a eulogy. It's like the word reverence is a synonym for "sucking the joy out of..."

I remember when I was little and right after Sabbath School, our teacher would lead us in a single file line to the sanctuary doors. She'd keep telling us to be reverent, aka shut up and sit down, and how much Jesus hates noise. We'd walk ever so stoically into the sanctuary, sometimes church had already started. Some adults would eye us, giving us visually warnings that if we made a peep, we'd be in big trouble.

I thought reverence meant respect. Doesn't mean that we should, for example, cast aside all of the distractions of our day to day, and put aside a special time and attitude for God? We shouldn't be texting, we shouldn't be having random side conversations. We should just have a general attitude and feeling of respect and humility for God. After all, we are in (or supposed to be in) his presence! But, is happiness or joy now a distraction? A sin of some sort? Did I not get the memo from the NAD?

Now I wonder why people wonder why young people are leaving the church. Church services like that drain out the joy of church, fellowship, and Sabbath, and just turn it into another thing we do during the week. I've been to many churches where you could just see, from the look on people's faces, how they interacted with each, how they treated the children, that they were truly happy it was the Sabbath. The pure... peace that radiated from them just brought a smile to your face! But I've only been to a very few churches like that... most of them are few and far between.

I'm not really sure what can be done to bring joy back into church, into our singing, into sermons. I guess all you can do is go with your own inner joy and inner peace, and bring your offering and praise to God, wherever you are.

Happy Sabbath!

Spiders and My Sabbath Bliss

Sabbath could not have come sooner. I am so tired. It's been an exhausting week, and I feel like my brain is being pulled in thousands of different directions. There is so much to think about, to consider, to remember... it's almost impossible to really wrap your head around it all.

And then the Sabbath comes... and your brain can breathe, even if it's just for a day.

On another note, I dealt with some spider issues I was having today in my room. I had to go all ninja for like 20 minutes killing 5 or 6 of the little pests, and it was like they were multiplying before my eyes! Then my sister came in my room and she happily pointed out that there were two mother of all spiders right outside my window. Now, what you have to understand is that my window hasn't been completely sealed in yet, so, there are cracks all over it. Pretty much a welcome mat for creepy crawlies. At any rate, I tried using this crappy bug spray I bought from Family Dollar (always a bad idea) and it definitely did nothing but give the bugs something to casually swim through. It literally did nothing to them. So I just had to start smashing.

Then, my creative juices gave me an idea! I took plastic bags (I'm not sure why I'm sharing this story, but eh...) tore them up, took a flathead screw driver and jammed the plastic bags in there. It's kind of like a temporary filler till my window gets officially fixed. And so far, I haven't seen any spiders. And that is the way I hope it stays.

So, as I sit here in my permanently (hopefully) bug free room, under the mellow comforting glow of my small, 9 dollar Wal-Mart lamp, my legs numb from being on the move all day, I praise God for His perfect timing. Just the other day, I was feeling quite chipper and awake, then suddenly, Friday comes and I can barely get out of bed. I do not take for granted the Sabbath rest God gives me, and I couldn't feel more blessed. :)

Marriage, Personality Tests and the ENTJ's

Why is everyone getting married/engaged?

At least 5 people come to mind at this moment who are getting married in the near future, or who have recently gotten engaged. It's exciting (for them anyways), but now it's got me thinking.

What's the hurry?

A lot of times, I will tell people "I'm never getting married." I'm not serious really, but, at the same time, the idea of marriage doesn't really appeal to me. I'm a very independent person, I enjoy having my freedom to go about my day without having to think about the fact that there is someone fretting about where I'm going. (I mean, I have that now, but they are my parents, lol). The only person I want to be accountable to is God and myself. And I don't feel like I can really ever have a 'relationship' unless the one I have now with God is completely strong. I'm working on it, but it's not quite as strong as I'd like it to be. But, to each his/her own. I commend the people who decide to get married during their college years. It takes a lot, I'm sure, and it's something I personally couldn't handle. Kudos to you, for you are a stronger person than I.

Moving along... I took a Myer-Briggs personality test the other day, and I chuckled a bit at the results. Apparently, I am an ENTJ, which makes up about 1% of the population. ENTJ stands for Extroversion, iNtuition, Thinking and Judging. Interesting combination, sounds like it could make for a scary person, haha.

I find personality tests pretty fascinating actually. Most of the time, you'll read your "profile" and think, no that's not me, but you'll come across something and think, wow... I really do that, or Oh man, am I really like that. I mean, it's almost impossible for those to be completely accurate, but a lot of times, they are pretty spot on.

So, what do personality tests and marriage have to do with each other?

Absolutely nothing.